K..

 

A mysterious teddy bear showed up on my door step today with a note that reads "Happy Birthday"

 

If anyone has any information as to where it came from it would greatly be appreciated. I am perplexed...

 

 

Apparently when I'm drunk... I can:

 

-Spill a beer all over a guy and he'll buy me another one (apparently I did this on purpose)

-call him the wrong name all night long and he'll still hold my hair and pat my back while I'm puking

-get him to buy drinks for my friends

-puke on him and he'll still give me a hug

 

Who knew? perhaps I should spend the better part of my day in a drunken stupor?

Are you tired of those lonely night at home? Not enough ladies flocking to you... fawing all over you? Well perhaps you're not using the right pick up lines.

 

Here is a small sampling of some of the best pick up lines from the one and only Las Vegas (keep in mind that it was the NBA all star weekend and very very very packed and Ghetto fabulous):

 

1. Do you believe in interracial relationships? Cuz I'm black.

2. I like Chinese food. Will you make me dinner?

3. hey baby hey baby hey baby hey baby quit playin'quit playin'quit playin'quit playin'quit playin'quit playin'quit playin'

4. I want to put KY on my penis and stick it in your butt hole (to which a reply of "I want to shit on your face" did not deter)

5. Hey Chinadoll...

6. Petting of ANY sort (which includes reaching across your friend and randomly stroking some girl's arm)

7. Pointing at someone and yelling "HOT" while you have your arm around your girlfriend

8. Heeeeyyy YELLOW! HEY YELLOW!!!

9. Hello Asian Persuasion!

 

Plus throw in a lot of "Hey Baby" and "Hey ladies" and you have yourself an eventful weekend..... I think the last one made me laugh wayy too much.

I don't understand chain letters/emails. I hate them and yet, inevitably I get them all too much. Being superstitious and whatever I usually send them around to people, but I cringe every time my little mouse pointer glides over the send button to highlight it.... I don't enjoy sending them, yet I feel if it's the only way to fight off the plague, or ten thousand years of being cursed in love .. then I pretty much have no choice now do I?

 

What I don't get is that these letters are from supposed "friends." They start out with nice pictures of kittens and flowers, move on to hearts with cheesy music and mushy poems spouting crap about how good of a friend you are and how special you are. Apparently they mean special as in the "I ride the big yellow bus, wearing a helmet, waterwings and velcro shoes" kind of sense of the word because as the warm fuzzies start to form in your tummy you finally scroll down to find one of the following scenarios:

 

1) If you don't send this to 200008235498342 people in the next five seconds you will mysteriously get Chlamydia and all your genitals will wither and rot with a stench so foul even the neighbourhood farm animals won't want to be within ten feet of you.

 

2) If you don't send this to 234987432234 people with "S" as the first letter in their name by tomorrow Godzilla will stomp his scaly ass on over to your house, gobble everything in sight, including your dog.. and shit it out on what used to be your front lawn. Say good bye to good ole Spot.

 

3) Send this to 10234 people, while rubbing your head and patting your belly and picking your nose at the same time or else lightining will strike you and you will die instantly, only to be brought back to life and be struck by a flying javelin and die again in a more painful manner.

 

4) I like you, you're my friend, this boquet of flowers is to show you how much I care. I'D BETTER RECEIVE THIS SHIT BACK IN MY INBOX IN TWO MINUTES OTHERWISE I WILL ASSUME THAT YOU NO LONGER WANT TO BE FRIENDS...WHEREUPON I WILL DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE AND RUN OVER YOUR CAT WHILE YOU WATCH FROM THE FRONT WINDOW. THEN I WILL PROCEED TO DO DONUTS ON YOUR FRONT LAWN WHILE PEEING OUT THE WINDOW. SO SEND IT BACK BITCH! NOW!!!!

 

5) If you don't send this to 2345 people I will reveal to the world that I am pregnant with your father's child and that we are in love and we're moving to Wyoming.

 

6) We're such GOOD friends...we're going to be friends forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. So you'd better keep sending this shit back to me. OR DIE. Your choice. Have a nice day! :)

 

Take your pick... Choose your poison. Just don't send me this shit.

Thanks.

I look horrible..but whatever :)

 

don't matter.