Had a strange dream while taking a nap. And somehow came up with this thought..

 

You know that kid in ET, the one that keeps the alien at his house? I wonder if he ever exploited ET's penchant for Reeces pieces (in other words peanut butter) in any sort of perverse way...

 

Just a thought.

Bren just called she should be here soon :)

I'm so excited!

Your biggest critics are speaking out in nay say. Talking trash, talking shit... magic, smoke and mirrors. Line em up.. shoot em down.

 

I have successfully cleaned the toilets, vaccuumed, cleaned the kitchen and done laundry. Scrubbed the mirrors int he bathrooms... washed the floor... I clean if I'm mad or upset or if something is bothering me. Somehow it's theraputic.

A day with G .. there are none others like it. Ha ha ha...

 

It all started with tulips and toaster strudels....

 

Then....

Test driving a Yaris and pretending to be married.

Looking at the lottery show home

and some golf and lunch and there you have it.

I'm lucky to have such amazing people in my life!!! My friends rule! :)

Here, there and everywhere. A flash of blue, red then green. Blinding lights that blot out the sun and cause you to shield your eyes in defence.

 

There are things in life that happen for a reason, to push, pull or drag you down a path that you might not necessarily take. How do you know when to let go and fall? how do you know when to loosen your grip on the wall? Uncertainty hangs overhead, marking you with a skull and cross bone. Hope fights forth in the shape of a heart. The unnatural combination of the two, perhaps the reason for their beauty. Which will emerge the victor? and which will fall back into the shadows? Only time will tell.

 

Caught up in the moment I catch myself. Pull back. Evidence to the contrary scares both Sherlock Holmes and I. I don't know what to write anymore, what to say or even IF I feel some days. Not wanting to slip back into how it was before, not wanting to be THAT person again I build the wall of sarcasm and jokes. I paint the smile, perform my dance and pretend it's alright. Yet it haunts my deams and I feel the wisp, the hint of the idea weave it's way through my thoughts. Twisting and turning with the curves of my brain, ducking and dodging the logic of my mind and running straight into the chaos of my heart. THUD. I hear the dull smack as it hits, then I feel it slide to the floor. Like a hamburger patty that's been chucked full force at the patio door. That high-pitched wail-like screech as it continues it's descent...

 

I had more to write, but the blinking orange of msn is distracting my thoughts.

 

Brad is talking about time. He says, if you wait too long, you might lose out on something good. (Because he's totally in love with Joney).

 

How do you know when to throw all your cards on the table? How do you know that the other person is willing to do the same? And what happens if it turns out to be one sided, and you find yourself sitting at home wondering how you could have let it happen yet again? When do you know to let the wall crumble and to just jump? Why is it so much easier to hide when you're afraid? How do you know that this one person, the one you didn't expect to affect your day as much as they do, is worth taking the chance for? And ... what if... what if....

 

Questions and things I've been battling since my time in Japan. I'm an open book. My emotions read on my face. Hurt, anger, pain, joy... I was doing quite well. Till along you came. You made me smile. You made me think. And now I fear I think too much.

 

Disjointed thoughts.

Distractions.

As I try not to think of it, of you.

Hope fights through in the shape of a heart. 

Slowly fade away

from red and bleeding,

to blue and purple bruised

and ending at the blackness.

Blend into the night,

dissappear from sight and prying eyes

that stare right through you.

False words spoken and taken in.

Mixed, tumolt, turmoil...

a poem and memory for the foolish who believed in it.

A fleeting thought of idiocy...

feelings of remorse.

Bedded,

Broken.

The thing about having lived in another country..most days I'm okay... I go on living my life quite happily. I enjoy it here now, I have a lot of stuff going on here and am getting back into the swing of things (it's only taken me a year)...

 

But every once in a while I get an email, or a text, or a card, or a package or a postcard from someone and I find I miss it a lot. Today I got a postcard from B. She's back in Japan visiting... my partner in crime. I miss her a lot and don't see her as much as I'd like..even though she just lives in Seattle. I dunno.. I mean I spend two years of my life with these people. They get me through the rough rough days where I'm crying because I'm homesick, or frustrated because I can't communicate properly with anyone in the country. Through the bad times of getting attacked in Tokyo, missing Christmas at home with my family.... to all the really good times and awesome memories. Lexington Queen nights, nights spent in Tokyo, rides on the train and Disney Sea trips and shopping in Harajuku. Or even those nights where we got too busy, but always made time to meet at Rupan for french fries and ice cream to chat about life, boys and broken hearts. It's weird to think that someone who was SO important to your survival in that one place... just sort of fades away into a different area of your life....

 

LIke I said, most days I'm okay. But there will always be that odd moment, in that odd day where I feel an incredible pang of sadness because I miss her so much.

 

One of my bestest friends ever, someone I could always tell the truth to... the logic to my insanity. Ha ha ha.. cuz most of our conversations started out with me asking if I was being crazy... My rock.... I will always be the emotional one, acting on gut feelings and emotions.. she will always be the logical one thinking things through.

 

And yes, I will be your date to Nao's and Jen's wedding. I suppose it'll be in the UK right? :)

Hopefully you can make it up next weekend when Morales gets here. I'm sure he'll be a handful... :)

Love ya B!!!

"Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?" -Murakami

 

had more to write..but got distracted. homework half done...

One of those days where everything seems just off... ya know? Like just all these little tiny things niggling away at you...

Kinda grumpy.

 

Parents are leaving for Athens for 10 days next Monday. I wanna go to Greece!!!!

Got an email from an ex.. actually a text message.. at 1am. Reads "I'm sorry for being such an asshole and am embarrassed. I'm sorry don't forget me"...

To which I contemplated writing back "who is this?"

 

NOW...

 

This isn't the only one I've received as late, and not just from this particular person....leading me to wonder at the state of affairs with matters of the heart in my life. It seems that only in retrospect am I attractive or "awesome" ...  

 

Talking to Coop about this earlier today and she says "it's when you find the one that realizes in that moment that you are great.. that's when you know you have found someone worthwhile."

 

 

The incidents of last night are perhaps best not discussed.

 

I woke up on K's couch (which, is half my length so my legs were hanging off the end) with a huge glass of what appeared to be milk and water mixed together. I can only assume milk considering the colour of the water in the glass. I also woke up to dirty, wet, muddy jeans and shoes that appeared to be filled with sand. That'll teach me for wearing ballet flats out.

 

Can't really remember what happened... I'm assuming somehow it involved a puddle of some sort, because in downtown Vancouver.. I think we made it to Gastown? Yaletown? Some sort of town..but I don't think that we were close to a park or a beach of any sort. Foggy. I can kind of remember the club.. the creepy dude that kept trying to dance with me (from behind I might add..ick) and how Jared kept having to save me. . . Will have to ask K later. Must have been the shots we did where ever we went with Erika...

 

Good times. . . a camera full of horrible pictures of nothing . . . save for a few frames of KG and I doing grotesque faces.

 

Note to my friends: Please confiscate my phone next time I am drinking. Leads to dangerouns happenings and the most random conversations with people that I probably should not talk to. Cept for Trav, whom K let me call before I went to sleep. Ha ha..Apparently I asked him if milk was good for getting people to sober up...apparently didn't help me much.